All About Lian

All about Lian
We interrupt this travelogue to introduce the star, the reason we’ve traveled to the other side of the planet. Who is this little person we’ve welcomed into our family? She has a definite personality. When we got her she had clearly been prepared, but after a long disorienting train ride from the SWI and abrupt transition, was in a state of shock. She can make her face a mask with just worried eyes peeping out. She was compliant, sitting, holding on, getting her picture taken, walking holding hands, but we could sense she was going through the motions. Jamie got the first giggle, playing horsey and tickle me, and he is clearly her favorite.
There is clearly a little brain in there, working, working. Even the first night when we brought out some little toys, she quickly mastered the different buttons on the toy radio. She sat on the floor and played with the little cars after Lela grudgingly allocated two. She appropriated a gallon zip lock to store her toys, and loves to dump them out and put them in again. She took to bedtime story right away. Her favorite book is Good Dog Carl which she will bring over and hold up. It doesn’t have any words just pictures of the misadventures of a friendly Rottweiler and the baby he is supposed to be looking after. She flips the pages back and points to the pictures to hear the words, baby, bread, grapes, swim etc. She also snuggles up to listen to Lela’s story, usually a princess or Clifford the Big Red Dog, and points to the pictures. She likes to help, so when I make one of my periodic but mostly futile efforts to tidy up the slum we call our room, she trots around, picking things off the floor and handing them to me.
The bath made her a little nervous at first, but now she jogs over to get in and loves to play with the cups and spoons we brought. The shower is another story. She has a cold and some chest congestion so Jamie decided to take her in the shower to steam. Even though we’d been told she was showered at the SWI, but like Lela, she hates to get her face wet, it was wailing and crying the entire time. Now we just steam the whole room while she’s in the bath.
The first two days her afternoon nap triggered grieving, once with me, once with Jamie, for over an hour. The third day she fell asleep while we were in the van, I carried her into a restaurant and she woke up abruptly when I laid her down on a chair. I could see panic for a second or two until she realized that we were there, and then she was OK.
I think the turning point was two nights ago when we went out at night to stroll and see if we could do some shopping. Only one pair of shoes we brought with us fit her, the sneakers, and they will be too hot in Guangzhou. We were directed to a shoe store and bought her hot pink mesh tops with light up heels. She dragged Jamie all over the selling floor testing them out. We also found Lela the most princessey sandals ever, also pink, with glitter straps, lace bow and big jewel, on sale for 25RMB about 3$, so everyone was happy. We got ice cream bars on the way back and Lian walked the whole way, ice cream dripping, shoes flashing red sparks in the dark. Shoes and sweets, the way to a girl’s heart.
However, all is not sweetness and light. Lela is having a tough time transitioning from only to older. We have several tantrums a day, usually over a refusal to carry her the entire time we tour some sight, having to share her stroller, a toy, not getting instant gratification, IE ice cream, being told no when she want to supplant Lian in one of our laps. Rationally we know this is very hard on her, but it’s pretty hard to stay rational when she’s screaming and kicking at our feet. We sincerely hope this too will pass, QUICKLY. We are trying not to make comparisons or tell her she’s being bad, but not easy. We are trying to make quality time for her, like taking her out with one of us while Lian has her afternoon nap. It doesn’t help that Lian has not taken to her, and when Lela does try to reach out, she often gets pushed away, or if she offers to share a toy, Lian adds it to her hoard. Lian has lived in a group of kids all her life; she’s got skills and strategies that Lela entirely lacks. Lela is learning the hard way that if she doesn’t pick up her toys, they are fair game – maybe we’ll have a cleaner house.
When we first got her I started to have concerns about her hearing, since her response to aural stimuli was slow or non existent. While she was sitting in my lap facing out, I let out a wolf whistle and she only turned when my breathe stirred her hair. Now I think that was mostly shock. She clearly can hear, though I think she probably needs ear tubes and her cold doesn’t help. For the first two days, we didn’t hear a peep out of her other than crying. Then the third night when we put her down to bed, she started chatting away in Chinese. So we know she can if she wants. Yesterday evening, I think she was actually making an attempt. Her palate repair is still new and healing, so it will take a while. She still drinks like she has a hole in the roof of her mouth, biting at the liquid rather than sipping.
But she manages to consume mass quantities, until we have to shut her off for fear she’ll get sick. The only thing she’s refused was some very spicy eggplant. She doesn’t like to give things up. She found a bag of trail mix in the back pack, wailed when it was removed and only ceased when bribed with a handful of cashews. We’ve had the same reaction when Lela snatched away one of her toys.
But we have made the transition from strangers. Last night at a restaurant, a woman tried to pick her up and she wailed and clutched at Jamie, so I think we are on our way to being a real family.