One Month

A month ago we were sitting in the notary office in Xian, waiting and waiting for our daughter Lian. The two little boys from our travel group had met their families and were getting to know them. Almost two hours later at 7pm, a woman appeared in the door holding a little girl dressed in yellow. Since it was so late, we had to rush off to get our visa pictures and poor Lian was plopped into the stroller without much ado or introduction. That was how we became a family of four.
A lot can happen in a month. China now seems like a dream, except for the little person who will be demanding to be fed in a few hours.
After our Consulate appointment in Guangzhou on September 25, an intimate mob scene of 60 families having adoptions finalized, we went immediately to the nearby train station to go to Hong Kong. And there we sat for two hours in a barren waiting room. We sent emissaries in search of food and drink, with little to be found. When our train was called we were allowed to move to a new waiting room – with shops and food - for about 15 minutes. Our train left at 7 and we rolled into Hong Kong after 9pm. Luckily there is a welcome kiosk at the train station where we able to change our RMB for Hong Kong dollars and find out where to get a cab. The voucher for our hotel managed to vanish during the 10 minute cab ride, but we got checked in, got the cot exchanged for a crib, bathed and changed the girls. Jamie went out for a walk down to the harbor.
When he got back, Lela was still awake so I dressed her and took her out with me. It turned out to be one of the most magical moments in our whole trip. We walked the 3 blocks down to the harbor and the Star Ferry terminal along a street like 5th Avenue – expensive shops and hotels. At the harbor edge is a large plaza looking out across the water. It was the night after the Autumn Moon Festival and the full moon shone down from the highest arch of the sky. The buildings all around and ringing the far shore were lit up colored lights and signs. For the Festival a huge dragon lantern writhed across the plaza, representing the story of the10 brothers (AKA the 5 or 7 brothers, a popular folk tale) combined with the dragon. (http://www.xs2china.com/en/events/dragon_dance_by_the_ten_brothers.1161.html ) I remembered one of Lela’s favorite story books, Chopsticks, (http://www.amazon.com/Chopsticks-Jon-Berkeley/dp/0375833099/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7650903-6054236?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192532262&sr=1-1) and it was brought magically to life by the water lapping at the dock, glittering lights, ferries plying back and forth, and the full moon waiting for the magic music to set the dragon free to fly. Our wake up call came too early, at 6am. We ended our 12 hours in Hong Kong with a ride to the airport on sunny, scenic amazingly quiet highways – Hong Kong wakes up late, rush hour doesn’t start until after 7:30.
What can you say about 15 hours in an airplane with 2 small kids, except perhaps, ARGHHHHHHH. But we survived. Going back you get that strange twist to your biological clock of leaving Hong Kong at 10am, flying 15 hours and arriving in NJ at 2pm – on the same day. My dear friend, Donna Haggerty, took half a day off to meet us at the airport, so Lian’s first minutes as a US citizen were recorded when we staggered out of customs with a mile high luggage cart. The drive home, a delightful foray into NYC traffic at the beginning of rush hour was fairly uneventful, since Jamie did not fall asleep at the wheel. Our dog, Sally (no, we did not pick that name, she was a rescue dog) was ecstatic to see us. Lian was petrified of her, we’d been warned in China that she was afraid of animals, and screamed LOUDLY as long as poor Sally - who was trying to be friendly - was in sight. Grandma Pines and Aunt Christy brought us pizza, then we just went to bed. We didn’t even unpack the car. And then woke up about 4am.
Lian went to the pediatrician’s the next morning for a check up. Poking and prodding do not make her happy but Lela cried even more at the prospect that she too might have to see the doctor. Lots of test to do, lots more doctors to see, starting fresh on Monday morning – the audiologist, the ENT, the cleft team, the oral surgeon. It’s good news, bad news. Lian has hearing loss from fluid in her ears, not unexpected for a cleft kid – but it looks like there’s no nerve damage, so ear tubes should set her right. Her palate repair in China was not a great job and she will need more work – but it can’t be done until next spring when the first surgery is completely healed. She needs a tooth pulled and a little adjustment to her nose, so the plastic surgeon, Dr. Gallagher, wants to do all three procedures at the same time so Lian will only have to go under once. I spent a long time on the phone with our insurance carrier, ah the joys of bureaucracy.
So how’s it been going? Three weeks of immersion therapy with the pets has worked. Lian has gone from shrieking in terror at the glimpse of a tail to handing down food into the waiting maw at dinner. She is picking up some English, despite her hearing issues and short palate, and also sign language, so we are communicating. First sign – more – amazing how all kids grasp that abstract concept immediately. She has figured out the routine, such as it is. She loved to brush her teeth, use the potty! flush the toilet ( I have to keep the powder room shut or our water bill will be out of sight) bath time, playing tea party, and took to dress up high heels in a flash, so we now have princess #2 clomping around the house. She likes to go shopping. She loves to eat, and now we’ve got two kids that eat broccoli and ask for more. She went wading hesitantly for the first time and the second time around got totally soaked. Loves the slides and swings at the park. She has gone to Sunday School nursery, children’s library and toddler music class and liked it all. She knows who mama and papa are and is attaching very well. She’s happy and bright with a big belly laugh and an ability to snuggle right into your heart. And she is actually doing better than Lela at adjusting.
Lela is finding that 24/7 sharing is tough. Having all your stuff (except the princess stuff and whatever she can cram on her bed, which now has very little space left for sleeping) including your room go up for grabs is tough. Getting a little sis who was the youngest of a family group of 5 and knows how to make sure she gets her fair share is tough. Sharing lap time is tough. Last night Lela asked why we couldn’t send her back. I reminded her that we had promised to be Lian’s forever family, just like we promised to be hers. We are giving Lela special quality time on the weekends. We are reading every book in the library on sibling rivalry. But there are those moments when there’s a glimpse of the future. Something to hold on to when the volume is past OSHA safety levels and we are wondering what on earth we were thinking. A surprise warm day in a week of chill, down to the beach and together they built a huge soggy sand castle at the edge of the high tide. Two princesses having tea attired in ballet dresses, aka old slips. A pack of two chasing and tackling papa at the park. A tiny hint of the girls and women we will get to know.