Lian's Baptism

Lian becomes one of the family of Christ.

Stylin' in her beautiful dress (with matching stuffed dog.)

Introduction to the congregation (that's the family gown I'm holding, not a trash bag.)

Mama, Papa, the not so happy camper and Godparents Bob Kerner and Donna Haggerty

Lela's posse - Lian, Holly, the Queen Bee, Meiling and Eleanor

I get gifts too? Oh Boy!

Cool shades.

Donna gets hornswaggled into reading a princess story

With Cousin Oscar

Me and sister Gillian and our kids. Aren't we lucky?

The big day, April 13, has come and gone. Since we are Episcopalian, the baptism takes place during a regular Sunday service. We also decided to hold a reception after the baptism in the church parish hall and invite the entire congregation and our guests to lunch, IE a vastly expanded coffee hour – and we’d (read I) would make all the food as a cost saving measure.

Sister Gillian and nephew Oscar arrived Friday at 4:30, which meant a delightful drive on the LIE to MacArthur/Islip during rush hour. It’s only 40 miles so it was a mere 3 hour round trip. They pitched in Saturday to help get the party ready and treated us to dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant. Lela and Lian glued themselves to Oscar, or “O-ka” as Lian calls him, their big (10yo) cousin. He was really good with them, even sitting through an entire “My Little Pony” movie.

I got up at the crack of dawn Sunday to finish the prep at the parish hall. After spending most of Saturday and Sunday morning getting the party ready, I was feeling rested and relaxed – did I mention I came down with a cold on Saturday? Anyway, arriving home with 30 minutes to shower and dress I found both girls still undressed, as Jamie had been unable to coax or threaten them into their pre-chosen and approved outfits, a midnight blue silk for Lela and a white cheongsam from China for Lian (brought by our friend Charlotte since I had been too brain dead to remember to get one on our trip, Thanks Charlotte.) Once they had been clothed, I was free to take a lingering shower. That is why we were rehearsing with Father Kurt at 10:05 as the choir marked time in the rear.

For Godparents we chose, after intense debate, discussion, waffling and a drastic change of direction, my oldest friend, Donna Haggerty, and Bob Kerner, who is also Lela’s God father. I won’t say how long Donna and I have known each other, but there are people who are considered adults who were not alive when we met. We met Bob and his wife, also Donna (Lela differentiates them as Donna city and Donna blonde) at St. Stephen’s. They are expecting twins any minute, so Donna blonde was looking a trifle uncomfortable – twins can kick in two directions.

Lela has seen enough baptisms that she declared she would hold the baptismal candle. Perhaps 4 is a little too young, but the alternative was a screaming, sobbing child. She held the candle – mostly – except when she had to scratch and handed it off to one of the godparents, including hiking up her dress to adjust her tights.

Lian was very good. She held on to me and observed all the goings on without a cry or whimper. She even tolerated being stuffed into the family gown. It is special – my Grandfather wore it, as did my mother and her sisters and brother, my sisters and I, Lela, and now Lian. Except it was made for an infant in arms not a three-year old, even a petite one. I was praying the arm seams would hold out and she wouldn’t kick a hole in the very fragile 100 year old fabric – when I wasn’t worrying that Lela would set fire to her own hair. We waited until it was time to go up to the font, whipped it on and as soon as it was time for her to be presented to the congregation, whipped it back off.

Despite the distractions, the ceremony is moving and involving in its calls to the family and congregation to support the child and renew our own faith. When I wasn’t monitoring the candle I could feel the love and goodwill surrounding us. Big smiles and daubing hankies filled the congregation. Most of the alto and soprano section were wiping their eyes by the end of the service.

Lian started down the aisle with Father Kurt, then ran back and got Jamie. Father Kurt, who knows better than to try and argue with a three-year-old, sent us out to the congregation as a family, remarking, “She’s very shy – unlike her sister, but she knows she’s got on a really snappy dress today to show off.” The congregation broke into applause and laughter – and that was when I lost it. Then special service number two, a renewal of vows for a 50th wedding anniversary, ensured that everyone who had managed to hold out up until then was weeping.

The remainder of the service went by in a blur of trying to keep two children who had been very good for a long time occupied and quiet and keep them from killing them selves by jumping off a pew. Aunt Christy took the brunt of Lela’s attentions as usual – when she’s around, we’re chopped liver.

On to the party. The menu had to be simple – sandwiches, salads, cheese, fruit, and chips and dips, all cold food since we were going to be otherwise occupied for the hour and a half before the party. And lots of cake, cookies and gallons of coffee (or we’d be drummed out of the church - clearly not good Episcopalians.) Prep started with shopping sprees at Party City, Costco, Trader Joe’s and our local grocery stores – 8 loaves of bread, vats of sour cream, an array of cheeses, enough fruit and veg to feed a hoard of rabbits. The color theme was spring; pastel yellow, green, pink and purple paper goods, balloons, and cups made it look festive. A raid on my garden which produced enough daffodils, hyacinths, forsythia, plum and quince blossoms to fill three large bouquets, though it left the yard a bit sparse. Donna city had brought a large bouquet of roses and the alter guild brought over a sheaf of tulips from the altar flowers so we had a garden indoors. None of which would do well at home since our cats regard flowers as snack food.

I was worried we would either have too much food – or not enough. Well, the sandwiches (egg and tuna salad, ham and turkey with cheese, cheese, and cucumber for the grups, pb&j, turkey and American for the kids and chocolate hazelnut spread that was a might too sophisticated for their tastes) vanished at an astonishing rate. The pasta salads held out a little better, but the fruit salad evaporated, as did the fruit and cheese platters. Two giant sheet cakes melted away under the onslaught. The only reason we came home with leftovers was that no one was on duty to refill the platters. Oh well. And no one was on duty to take pictures of the party either, sigh.

Everyone had a good time eating, drinking, chatting. Lela was thrilled that her whole posse of best friends was there; Meiling, Eleanor, and Holly. For the occasion they allowed Lian to tag along. The party finally trailed off about 2 and we tackled clean up. With help from remaining friends we rinsed the platters, bagged the leftovers, packed our cars, and shoveled everything else into the trash – ok maybe not the most ecological choice but you do what you have to do – which includes not washing dishes for an hour. Back to Grandma Pines where Gillian was packing up for a return to Chicago. Lian and Lela tore into the present pile – the moment Lela had been waiting for as several kind friends had included gifts for her.

Finally Donna city was on the train back into NYC, Jamie and girls were at home attempting to cram leftovers into our already over stuffed fridge, and I was driving Gillian and Oscar to the airport, a breezy 45 minutes on a Sunday afternoon. On the way back I finally had a quiet moment to reflect (while cruising at 70mph.)

Lian started to become part of our family from the moment in Xian when her ayi handed us a scared, silent little girl dressed in yellow. And we started to became a different family, to travel a new path. In this case, different is better. However, all the milestones of adjustment in our daily lives are rarely something I can point to and say, that’s when it changed. The transformation is gradual. But her baptism gave me a special sense of family and belonging, not just our little band of four, but our bigger families. As an adoptive mom I can say with certainty that while blood may be thicker than water, it’s not what creates love. We had the support and love not only of our relatives, but our many friends in the church and community on our road less traveled by. And that road has brought great joy, not just to us, though we are privileged to get to know and love these two little people on a daily basis. I have no doubt that we were meant to be together and all the heartbreaks and losses that lead to this moment were for a purpose, one that was not apparent at the time, but now in retrospect is clear. Whatever mountains were quietly moved behind the scenery, the little miracles that guaranteed the introduction to this person, an urge to make a phone call, the paperwork landed on the right desk, an e-mail was sent at the right time, and ensured that Lela and Lian came to us, make us forever beholden and in awe of God’s true power, the power of love.

I will leave you with one of my favorite poems and a reminder that the road less taken can lead to wonders and joys you never imagined.

The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost, American Poet, 1874-1963

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Happy Birthday Lian

Birthday dinner. Notice that Lian is drinking with a straw. This is a big deal, something she couldn't do before her palate extension repair.

Adoption from China $20,000. Palate and lip surgery $60,000. Being able to blow out your birthday candles: priceless.

Opening presents with Grandma Pines

Lian turned 3 on Friday the 28th. We had a little family party for her on Thursday night so Aunt Christy could be there. We all went out for dinner, pizza and ziti, at one of the nicer pizzerias in town, Salvatores. Lian consumed a whole slice of pizza and a plate of ziti, no eating problems here. Her only oddity - she likes to hold her slices upside down, creating mom nerves as the cheese begins to dangle and droop dangerously near her chest.

Then back to Grandma's house to open presents. Lian knows the drill now, having done Christmas and Lela's birthday, so she plopped herself down and began pulling goodies out of bags with enthusiasm. Bad mama had failed to wrap most of the presents that have been in the closet since Christmas so only a few from us, but plenty from Grandma and Auntie. Her favorite; a teddy bear puzzle with interchangeable pieces so she can dress and change his expression. Her speech therapist uses one and she loves it so I had to track one down.

Friday shot by in a blur (part 3 of my root canal & crown) so she opened the rest of her presents on Saturday morning. Big hits were Mr./Ms. Potato Head (also used by her therapist) and new animals for the playskool farm. She and Lela played with the farm for a long time, with Lela directing the action. The animal figurine box was raided and gorillas, sea turtles and dinosaurs were added to the farm life. Gorillas like to sleep on hay bales, bet you didn't know that.

We kept this birthday low key as the big event will be in 2 weeks, her baptism.

Easter Pix

All this stuff!!! And the Easter Bunny brings cotton candy in plastic tubs too. Life is perfect.

Bubbles, stickers and candy. What could be better?

Hey, Mama's in the picture for once with her two cuties (even if their shirts say "Daddy's Princess.")

In our Easter bonnets after church service. We were good and colored quietly, well mostly.

The Easter Bunny visits at coffee hour. Lian is still not too sure about it. Hey, that's Mama again, what gives?

On to Grandma Pines for Easter dinner. Our friend Donna came out to join us. Everyone is glued to Lela's Easter basket DVD, Enchanted. The vermin are apartment cleaning.

Dinner. Grandma outdid herself. Rack of lamb, chicken breast, salmon, shrimp skewers. Mama did the early potatoes and strawberry shortcake.

Afterwards a little fresh air. Lian is mastering the tricycle. She finally grew enough to reach the peddles (with blocks.)

Progress Report

Hot Doggers. Our FCC has winter playdates at a mall with

a nice indoor playground - and lots of rides in the food court.

Lap sister. If Papa wont let you eat dinner sitting in his lap,

try your big sister, Princess Cinderella.

'

As of March 17, Lian has been home for 6 months now. Our teeny girl has made great progress. A child that couldn’t jump and was a bit wobbly on her pins at two-and-a-half is now jumping bean #2. She can hang from the monkey bars (with a mom safety net), climb the pole steps and walk the balance beam at the playground. She’s mastered Lela’s flip trick – face Mama holding hands, walk your legs up and do a back flip, and also does a somersault. She’s grown almost 2 inches, not exactly a growth spurt, but she is now wearing some 24M clothes while she is still two (for another 6 days.) And she’s gained 3 pounds - mostly muscle.
We’ve seen real progress since her surgery in January. She can now blow a whistle or bubbles and drink through a straw – that might not sound like much, but it means her palate extension was successful and she can control the flow of air from her mouth, and cut off air flowing through her nose. Her lip is healing and she now has control over her upper lip muscles and can form an O, sort of critical for speech. Her Speech Therapist is happy with her progress and she is really trying for the “plosive” consonants like P and B. Her speech still requires a lot of interpretation and she supplements with ASL and really good body language, but she is speaking in full sentences – in English. I wish I could be fluent in Mandarin in 6 months. Her receptive language is so good I forget that she’s only been building vocabulary for 6 months. She’s learning to count and getting colors, skills she had probably mastered in Mandarin, but had to re-learn. So now she has opinions about what she is going to wear. “Ink” and yellow are her favorites.
Her favorite item of clothing - shoes. The pink glitter ballet slippers are at the top of the list, but she will also bring me the black suede Mary-janes with a rhinestone buckle for all occasions. And since she can put on her own socks and shoes she often changes during the day. Her girly girl big sis is a seminal influence, and if Lela is in a dress, Lian wants one too (even if mom is usually in jeans, ok, yeah, with color coordinated socks, tops and jewelry – they had to get it from somewhere.) So I get to go out with two adorably turned out girls, from their fancy hair bows to zippy foot wear – other moms are awestruck and envious. She is proud to tell me, “Mama, I did it” when putting on her own clothes. When staying at Grandma’s house this week (while I had parts one and two of a root canal, lucky me) she took off her tights, changed her pull up and put the tights back on (Ok, they were inside out, but I was impressed.)
Yep, we’re still doing diapers and pull-ups. She did have a brief flirtation with big girl panties this month. She tried for 2 days, but after having a poopy accident decided to go back to the old reliables. That’s ok with me; I really wanted to wait for a week at home with no appointments – and maybe warmer weather. Her Curious George and My Little Pony undies will still fit.
Lian was evaluated for the School District special ed program. She’ll transition out of Early Intervention once she is three. However, she will be able to stay with her current therapists until fall. Despite playing shy/coy and saying perhaps a total of 5 words for three evaluators, she did very well. Fortunately/unfortunately since she is doing well in all areas except speech, she is only eligible for that service. A child has to have a 30% disability in at least 2 areas to qualify for a full program.
So how is it going? Lian has fit herself into our family in an amazing way. Her ability to accept this massive upheaval in her life and get on with her business is remarkable. She is a distinct person with opinions, strong opinions. In the last month she has made me her real Mama, and vies with Lela for snuggle time(which sometimes devolves into a push and shove time – I have now mastered the art of balancing one on each knee while keeping various arms and legs separate.) While she never rejected me, she was always a little distant. I know she loved her foster mama in China and it must have been hard to lose her, that she needed time. Now I have two snuggle bugs and I know she has fully attached.
Big sis Lela has reconciled with having Lian around, and has even told me, “I’m glad you got me a sister.” Lian wants to be just like her, which sometimes translates as laying hands on the sacred princess items. When I remind Lela to share she wails, “But it’s PRINCESS! It’s too special.” Lela’s “special” stuffed animals threaten take up about half her bed now. But she also has fits of generosity as when she gifted Lian with her number 2 Cinderella gown. She defends her from big kids playing too rough at music class(she’s the only one allowed to knock Lian over.) And Lian brings Lela her lovey when she is upset. They are real sisters now.
So what’s it like with two? MORE WORK. Anyone who says different lies like a rug. Laundry and dishes pile up at an astonishing rate, especially with finicky little darlings who eschew dirty clothing and need a clean bowl for every snack. Getting them out the door take a full hour, unless the screaming maniac mama puts in an appearance. I used to be early for appointments, and now consider within 15 minutes to be close enough.

I have discovered the Mother’s Curse does not have a genetic component. What, you say? That’s the one where your own mother in a snit over some minor infraction, shrieks at you, “One day you’ll have children, and they will be just like you. Then you’ll be sorry!” So I have Lela the Mouth paying me back for every precociously snotty remark that ever passed over my own lips. And Lian the Mule resisting common sense, persuasion, and house arrest because she is SURE she is right. Mom, I grovel at your feet and beg forgiveness – just lift the curse, PLEASE.

Pull me back up the hill, Mama

Lela wipes out

Let it snow! We finally got a good snow fall - after the prediction was for one inch. Lian got to go sledding, probably for the first time ever. Most fun, undressing and redressing for the bathroom break. NOT.

Lela's Chinese Class had their annual Chinese New Year Party. Everyone had a blast. The girls made traditional dumplings, danced, sang, ate and ate and ate

Lian the dragon dancer

Lela heads the line

The Turnip pulling song. A few minutes after this was taken, 25 kids were sprawled on the floor, having "pulled" the turnip.

Memories

It's time for the Lian's 6-month post adoption report. Wow, we’ve been home almost 6 months. And yet China seems like a lifetime away, and Lian has fitted in like she has always been here.
So our social worker, Carrie, who has worked with us through both adoptions, arrives for our interview. After Carrie met Lian, she (Lian, not Carrie)was whisked upstairs for her nap. Lela, who no longer naps, was suitably attired for an afternoon visit in Cinderella gown, tiara and high heels, and busy trying to horn in on the conversation with princess vacations to Illinois and anything else she can come up with. Carrie attempted to convert her to a source and asked, "What do you remember about your trip to China?" Lela thought a few moments and said, "Well, Mama tried to encourage me to eat slimy things that were still living." This is a verbatim quote. So, the Great Wall, Terra Cotta Warriors, Forbidden City, Temple of Heaven... and her main memory of China is the plastic bins full of live water bugs, worms, poisonous sea snakes and other delicacies at the restaurant in Guangzhou where we ate the night of the Autumn Moon Festival. Good thing I took a lot of pictures.

More January Doings

The battle of the cereal bowl. Lian is prohibited crunchy foods for 6 weeks. The girls' favorite snack is cereal (an organic, whole grain version of Cherrios, but of course) Lian doesn't like to wait, so the soaking of her cereal in milk was accompanied by loud screams of displeasure until Mama invented speed softening; 30 seconds in the microwave in water, drain, rinse in cold water, dump in milk, Voila!

Silly Sally. Our dog likes her creature comforts, and sun bathing in the most comfortable chair in the house is one.

The couch potatos. What's on next?

Sudsy fun at the Children's Museum. It was supposed to be an area for blowing bubbles, but the soap had been stirred to a foam by dozens of kids, making that pretty much impossible. It didn't stop the fun though.

More Children's Museum. It was jam packed with kids, but had enough different areas to keep everyone busy. Lots O' Lelas was a mirror display.

Lian took her turn to be multiplied.

Lela and Lian's version of the Push Me-Pull You.

Happy 4th Birthday Lela!

Birthday loot #1

First cake

Welcome to my party

Cake #2, the deluxe Cinderella ice cream version

Pinata line up

Sunday January 20th was Lela's 4th birthday. We had a small family party, the big princess bash scheduled for the folowing weekend. We pushed it back to give Lian time to heal from her Jan. 4 surgery. January 25 is also Lela's Family Day and the day when she entered her SWI four years ago. It's hard to believe that she has been with us 3 years. It seems like barely a minute since that tiny baby girl was paced in my arms in Guangzhou. I burst into tears - she stared at us and tried to gnaw her way through the wrapper of the cookie her ayis had given her. Now that solemn little baby has become a dramatic diva. Her multiple personalities include Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel (in the tub) , Princess Pea and Lady or Cleo (cartoon dogs.) Her preferred attire is purple, pink or Cinderella blue. In her universe, ball gowns and attempted hand stands do go together.

Her family party was low key event at Grandma's house. Uncle Kirby and his PSLQ, Helen, were in town. I bought a cake, gasp, since I was committed to making 80 cupcakes for her big party and her music class, and enough is enough. Lela's favorite - a dress up bride gown.

The birthday bash was a big party at her request. Almost her entire Chinese class attended, along with friends from town, so we had 15 little girls in full princess regalia. Three Cinderellas, 3 Belles, 2 Auroras, 1 Snow White, 1 Ariel, 1 Tinkerbelle, 1 Jasmine, 1 non-Disney princess, and 1 stylin' in her own beautiful pink and black party dress. They had a blast. I had overdone it, and had too many activities to actually do, but they strung bead necklaces, frosted cupcakes (using pounds of icing) scrambled for the pinata goodies, ate snacks ( I acually made jello jigglers) , pizza and ice cream cake, and played together. We are lucky enough to be able to hold the party in our church Sunday School rooms, so we had the big nursery with lots of toys, and the pre-k room down the hall for food and crafts. We also had 21 adults. I haven't given that big a party in about forever. I think everyone had a good time. I was a little frazzled by the details - like the fancy $4 Cinderella candle for her birthday cake that wouldn't light. And it was a long party by kid standards, 2:30-5, and actually ran to 5:30. All the girls left with goody bags full of the excess of toys and candy I'd bought for the pinata. It was a three tower castle, but it turned out I could only fill the central tower, so lots of left overs. Plus the bonanza from 8 months ago when the dollar aisle at Target was full of princess stuff. We barely got the place cleaned up before AA came for their meeting (the only problem with using the church.)

Then on to Grandma's house for the opening of the presents. Lela ripped into them with determination, while I demanded cards and names. Her favorite; an Aurora sleeping bag and pillow. She's been sleeping on the floor of her room in it since the party. (For the uninformed, Aurora is Sleeping Beauty, Disney version.) We took an expedition to Toys R Us with a gift card she'd recieved. After long and carefull consideration, she came home with a new princess sticker book, leaving a balance for another time. When it's her own "money" she is much more selective. When asked what she got for her birthday, she replied, "I have soooo much princess stuff."

Lela also had her annual check up, an occasion for much angst and wailing. She really, really doesn't like doctor visits. Unfortunatly she had just relaxed when her pediatrician announced she needed two booster shots. She's grown three inches this year, slowing down to a more normal grown pattern. Her first year home she grew over 5", coming up to her genetic potential, which looks like ending up about 5'2". I'm buying size 4 at the sales for next season, moving out of the baby girl section, sigh. It looks like she will always run a size behind her age, and her waist will be many sizes behind - she can still wear 18 month shorts and skirts.

Her mouth is many years ahead as Jamie found out one evening. We sometimes have musical chairs at dinner, as the girls preferred seat is in our laps and ours is everyone in their place. Lian had crawled onto Jamie and he had put her in his seat and was pretending to sit in her high chair. Lela pipes up, "I don't think you'll fit your great big butt in there, Papa." Another time, when she had extracted a promise out of him, she immediately released her huggy, lovey hold, sat up and giave him a thumbs up, saying, "Way to go, Papa."

Watching her learn and grow has been an aamzing experience. Last week, Lela "got" addition. One night at the dinner table, she suddenly announced, "Watch this!" She held up 2 fingers on each hand and counted, "one, two, and three, four." She went on to count varoius combinations fo fingers.

So Happy Birthday, our darling girl, and many, many more. Our lives have been much more exciting, noisy, fancy and happy since you came. I hope and pray I will be there for you whenever you need me, to see you stretch your wings and learn to fly, even for the crash landing. I love you more than words can ever express, all the way to the moon and back.
Love forever, Mama

Super Trooper

Recovery - look at that cute little nose!

Ready to go home

Where's my stuff. Lela had better not be touching it.

Charlotte's request - the short version. Lian had a tooth extracted form her palate, ear tubes inserted, her palate lengthened with a Z-plasty procedure, her nose rebuilt and her upper lip re-done. She recovered amazingly well and come home the next morning, is eating, drinking, running around and playing - talking too. She's feeling the pain more now that the hospital meds have worn off, but regular Tylenol is enough to keep it under control.

The long version
Lian had her surgery at North Shore Hospital Friday, January 4. It went very well, even though we had a “surprise” palate repair. Since we had no one to leave Lela with at that hour, we all arrived at the hospital at 5:30am. We got the girls up at the last minute and packed them in the car in their pj’s. Two little girls in pj’s and parkas garnered a fair amount of “ohs” and “how cutes” in the pre-op waiting room and I think brightened up the day a bit. Lela had one of her sayings. As we were waiting I was teaching her how to spell a few words with the letters she can write – L,E,A (in her name) F, I and O. She looks at the straggling collection of “hill, hall, hello” and says, “I can write a lot of words. I might be a genius.” Which cracked up everyone in range. We were the last out of admissions at 7:45 since we were waiting for three surgeons. Lian is so little they had to put her ID bracelet on her ankle as her wrist is too small for even the last notch. Even the child’s gown was ankle length on her. Lian charmed everyone and was quite happy and cooperative right up to the point where the anesthesiologist put the mask on her. Then as the Dr. had predicted, she started to cry, took one deep breath and that was all she wrote.
Dr. Ditkoff the ENT went first and even though she had come off antibiotics for an ear infection only the week before there was a lot of fluid when he inserted the ear tubes, so they were very much needed. Dr. Siegal the oral surgeon went next. Lian had a tooth up in her palate. The bad news was that he doesn’t think it was her missing front tooth, but an extra tooth. He said it was very misshapen and had a lot of decay so she’s well rid of it. He’s going to do a full X-ray scan when we come for post–op visit so we will know what kind of orthodentistry we are looking at down the road. Then Dr. Ruotolo and Gallagher started. We didn’t know that Dr. Gallagher was coming and were happy to see her too.
We were upstairs, waiting and waiting. Dr. Siegal came up about 9 and told us how the early surgery went. Jamie took Lela to his mom’s house for the day and returned. We took turns running for meals. I had some sushi and a crab cake - it sounded good, tasted delicious and settled into my stomach like a lead weight that could wiggle. Fish and anxiety are a bad combination. Jamie brought back our laptop, but we couldn’t get the wireless connection to work. AHCH – cut off from my e-mail. He thinks it was the tech guy’s “fix” in China at the hotel in Xi’an when we had a problem with the hotel Internet firewall – so apparently we can get wireless in Xi’an but not anywhere else until Jamie figures out how to undo his fix. I think it was the top-secret spyware he loaded, NOT. We were pretty sure they had decided to try and extend her palate when they went past 11, but weren’t sure until Dr. Ruotollo came up to talk to us at 1. Initially the surgery had been to redo her nose and lip. We started with them fixing an oozing blood vessel that gave Lian a permanent little crust under her nostril and putting off any palate surgery until the spring. We could see in pictures from the SWI that the bleeding had been going on ever since her lip repair at 3 months. Then I told her that the speech therapist was telling us she had almost no mobility of her upper lip, so Dr. R. decided to add a redo of her lip. At our pre-surgical visit on Wednesday, Lian was relaxed and chatting away and she really got to hear how much air she loses during speech, so she tentatively added palate repair, though it didn’t look too bad to her on visual inspection – but inspecting a wide away 2-yo is apparently not too easy.
It turned out that Lian had a complete redo. The bleeding vessel was a crusted mass that had to be cleaned out – and while they were at it they tweaked her nose up and evened out the nostrils – her little nose is even cuter now. Her whole lip was adhered to the gum ridge and the muscles were not properly connected, so that was completely opened and redone, with stitches on the inside and dermabond on the outside to lessen any scarring. Her palate was completely repaired in China – but the scar tissue pulled it forward due to the way they did it, leaving her palate very short and sending half her air up her nose. So they lengthened her palate using a Z technique, so that the scar pulling can’t recur. She told us Lian did very well, and came out of the anesthesia very well too – even waving at her when they brought her out of it. She said she had to be drinking and peeing before she could go home.
We were taken up to recovery at 1:30 and though I was prepared to do battle, since the policy is only 5 minute visits twice an hour, we were immediately told not for kids, and can we get you chairs. A nurse stayed with Lian until she went up to pediatrics. We called our friend, Donna K., who works at the hospital but was out that day, and she sent an emissary to make sure we were doing OK. Lian was sound asleep when we went in but began to surface, still very groggy. The anesthesiologist came by and told us she’d given her a lot of meds and Lian wouldn’t be really awake until tomorrow – she didn’t want her to cry and stretch the lip. Since she’d been in surgery for almost 5 hours they kept her in recovery for a couple hours. We went up to pediatrics, Lian being wheeled in her crib just before 4pm. Pediatrics is very family friendly. They have reclining chairs beside every bed, snacks in a little kitchenette and a microwave and fridge if you are ordering out, free TV in the rooms, a playroom and a resource room full of books and DVDs. There’s a computer with a permanent Internet connection if you can kick the kids out of the way. There’s a shower for parents and they gave us a bag of toiletry supplies and extra pillow right away.
Lian started to become more alert, and Jamie realized that she wasn’t trying to pick at her mouth – she was signing water. We propped her up and started dribbling water into her mouth. Thank goodness we taught her sign – she wouldn’t have had anyway to “tell “ us otherwise – and what a smart little cookie, she knew how to get her needs met. I was giving her a teaspoon or two at a time, since the Dr. said go slow, we don’t want her tummy upset. We started her on a little apple juice too. I chatted with her roommate’s mom. Her 5yo was having mysterious chest pains, it was their third stay with no resolution.
Neither of us was prepared for an overnight stay, but since we only live about 15 minutes away it was not a big deal. Since I had taken a shower that am and he had not, Jamie left to get cleaned up, bring back changes of clothes, sweats to sleep in, the phone charger, and pick up Lela for a visit. While he was gone, Lian continued to sip juice and water, eventually downing almost a cup of fluids. Since she was doing so well the nurses decided get her a “clear” tray for dinner – broth, juice, jello, and Italian ice. They moved us to another room closer to the nursing station since they couldn’t hear her monitor and this is an older part of the hospital- the monitors aren’t hooked to the desk. Since she was pretty alert I put a Carebears DVD in the laptop for her to watch in her crib, since the plastic curtain on her crib prevented her from seeing the TV, and she liked that. When I checked her diaper she had produced, so all systems were working. When Jamie returned with Lela, he told me Lela really needed me at home and he would stay over. Lian’s new roommate was a little girl from California, who was also turning 4 in January just like Lela. She and Lela hit it of and went off to her nest at the window end of the room. Since Lian’s tray had still not arrived, Lela and I went off to the kitchenette to see what we could find – and of course, it arrived while we were gone. Lian liked the orange jello, but not the strawberry, had a few sips of broth, preferred the watermelon ice to the lemon (no surprise) and really wanted Lela’s ice cream cup. I did give her a few small spoonfuls. She dozed off again. Her nurse decided to give her anti-nausea meds just in case she needed a painkiller later on. Lela and I left about 9 and Dr. R. showed up 15 minutes later, so Jamie called as soon as we got home. She was very pleased with Lian’s progress. Lian will probably be released this morning between 9-10.
So how did Lian do overnight?
If you are a mere mortal who has just had two kinds of oral surgery and your nose and upper lip rebuilt, you would be curled in a fetal ball whining for more pain meds (that would be me.)
If you are a trooper, you would be bravely smiling and sipping a little liquid since that is what the Dr. told you to do.
If you are a Super Trooper, your surgeon on her discharge visit discovers you polishing off a plate of scrambled eggs and remarks incredulously, “She’s eating?”, you also make serious inroads into a cup of orange jello, are prepared to “work” your condition in order to wrest possession of a toy cash register from your sister, pick sweats over pj’s for your going home outfit, only cry when they yank your IV and it bleeds, walk out the door on your own steam waving bye-bye (then immediately want to be carried the rest of the way), eat an Italian ice in the car, and speak your first post-operative words upon arriving home, “Ats MINE.”
Everyone told us, “Kids bounce back” Well Lian is made of rubber I guess, since her recovery amazed even the peds ward nurses. We are so thrilled that the palate is done and she did so well, and if she doesn’t splat on her face and split her lip open – a real source of anxiety since she took off running as soon as she got home, she now may not need another surgery for several years. It will be exciting to see her new look once the swelling goes down.

Miracles

Once we were waiting
for a child to call our own.
A baby to hold in our arms,
to make our house a home.

I dreamed of a little girl,
who was grinning up at me,
with a great big gap-toothed smile,
as wide as it could be.

It’s almost Christmas time.
We got an e-mail one day.
It said, "We’ve gotten your referral.
Pictures are on the way."

Then we got a little picture.
We’d be a mom and dad.
Our baby’s features were perfect,
But her eyes were oh so sad.

I worried would she love me?
Would I know how to love her?
At this late date I was afraid,
I wouldn’t be a good mother.

Then in a room in China,
I held my baby tight.
I felt my heart exploding,
So this was love at first sight.

Those sad eyes learned to sparkle,
Feet to run across the floor.
Our darling is growing older,
She’s not a baby anymore.

We thought we had love for more
than our family of three.
Another child might be waiting,
but where could she be?

I remembered the gap-toothed girl
I’d seen once in my dreams.
She might still be waiting.
There are miracles it seems.

This time we were looking
At special boys and girls.
Their bodies might not be perfect,
But each soul’s a gleaming pearl.

You might have to look harder,
sometimes that’s all it takes.
But even if you can’t see it,
God doesn’t make mistakes.

We got an e-mail about a little girl,
With chubby cheeks and a happy grin,
Maybe not my dream girl,
But this one pulled us in.

The e-mail said she was turning one,
Today was her birthday.
She needed a family,
could we make it a special day?

We said, "Yes we want her,
she is the perfect one."
We’d have her home for Christmas.
Her life had just begun.

Well the best-laid plans can go wrong,
Eighteen months have gone by,
We’re again in a room in China,
And suddenly she’s arrived

A little girl dressed in yellow
Scared and very shy,
I waited for my heart to leap,
Then we both began to cry.

Now again it’s Christmas.
We’re a family of four.
Since that day in China,
My heart’s grown a couple sizes more.

My husband took some pictures
of our girls beside the tree.
I’m putting them on the computer,
and what did I see?

A little girl with a gap-toothed grin
was smiling up at me.
It seems some miracles are to close,
For us to truly see.

So I learned a lesson,
that love can never fail.
We’re surrounded by miracles and angels,
and God can use e-mail!

Strange but true. I "saw" this picture almost 4 years ago, but until now I didn't see that it was Lian. I think we are surrounded by miracles and angels in disguise (who may not even know they are angels), we're just too busy with our daily lives to notice. Sometimes you have to smacked upside the head (HELLOOOO, God to Jennifer, WAKE UP!) to see what's right in front of you.

Christmas is here

Dress #2, Cinderella, Cinderella!

The aftermath

Christmas Eve - Still being angels - Santa hasn't come yet

Family Service The Cherub Choir - Lela is peeking out from the back

Christmas Morning -Santa brought lots of goodies in the stockings

Grandma's House 9:30am Santa brought everything else to Grandma

Dress # 1, Princess Aurora

Annoyingly the pictures won't post in the order that I want, so imaging the first two are last. Xmas eve was the 5pm Family service with the kids choirs and carol sing, then back to Grandma's for dinner. Home to read "Twas the night before Xmas" and they did settle down right away. Christmas Day. I'm up as usual at 5, getting organized. Lian bangs to be let out at 7. 7:30 we wake up the princess who is still snoozing. They savage their stockings - Lela's favorite, tape - Lian's favorite, what ever she can get in her mouth. Then on to Grandma's House. Our friend Donna arrives from the city. No presents until after breakfast, then into the living room, where Santa has left a nice pile for each girl. Lian immediately decides she should have had Lela's princess rocking chair, but finally realizes the other pile is for her - all for her. Opening goes on till noon, Lian runs out of steam with several gifts left to go. She's never had a "real" Christmas with the massive overload of new toys, noise, paper, but she takes it pretty well. Jamie gets her to nap on the sofa while dinner is being prepared. Cinderella waltzes around the house, and by 3:30 we sit down to ham, green beans almondine, Brussell sprouts, salad, sweet potatoes Anna ( no sugar - just gobs of butter) rolls, and corn pudding. Followed by cheesecake and assorted candy. Finally home to bed, no bath (ignoring the candy cane stiffened hair.) As Lela said, "It's everything I ever wanted."